I have never been a “cancer changed me” kind of person. I will say, reading this story, so far out from my treatments, has made me look back and think about everything that happened. So I was there, stewing in my own thoughts. My family and friends didn’t understand what it was like, and how could I expect them to? I spent weeks in the hospital with a TV for company during the day, as my dad and stepmom would only spend a few hours with me each day, and then head out into the city to explore areas my stepmom had grown up. We may have had the same cancer, but were in very different stages of life, and had very different concerns. I was the youngest on my floor by at LEAST 30 years, and one of only two females. What does fit is her saying she felt alone, even with others around. That’s another part of her story that doesn’t fit. And even then, it took 2 or 3 years in the young adult survivor world to find someone with my diagnosis. It wasn’t until I was well out of treatment that I ever met another young adult survivor. Reading about her visit to the young adult cancer conference, I know what that was, and have been there.
(So make it 525 hours of chemo.) I can read my charts, and tell new doctors exactly what it all says. I can program an IV machine, and shave an hour off a week’s infusion to make it out before downtown Chicago rush hour. Knowing what is going on in such a strange and austere environment. One part that just hit hard was her description of the hospital, and being able to fit in after a time. 528 hours of chemo and 40 rounds of radiation. Then inpatient chemo and radiation for a week. That led to another surgery and firing my surgeon for talking to me like I was 5. Feeling like you don’t get a choice in what’s happening. I do understand the world turned upside down, and the loss of self. Explained it off as having bitten my tongue too much, or burnt it on something. I had squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck. Yea, I was 23 and just starting out in the “adult world,” but I wasn’t in a foreign country, I wasn’t dating anyone, I also didn’t face the same cancer. Other than passing “yea, been there” moments, I have not connected with Suleika on an intimate or “that’s just like my story” level. Read our participants’ reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book! Caution, spoilers below! Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad.
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